I am but an invisible woman....
faceless and nameless in the land of blogs....
baring my heart and sharing my soul.....
heres where my emotions unfold.
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Wednesday, June 15, 2005
This is to inform those who have chanced upon my blog, had the patience to read it, cared enough to leave comments, appreciated a few things about it, hated the rest but still kept mum....
Thank you all for your visits.....
I am wrapping up my blog because it didn't live up to my own expectations....nothing more nothing less.
Before I spew more venom in my posts....
let Maple walk out blazing.. borrowing lyrics yet again... its the beginning of the end and am trying to return to innocence ;-)...
Good bye, take care people.... :)
Posted at 15.6.05 by BlazingMaple
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Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Taking stock of aspirations, aims and a lot of promises
A sudden bout of reflection led to this......
Over the years
What I wanted to be :
- Archaeologist
- Army doctor
- Athlete
- Cobbler
- Potter
- Laundry worker
- Fashion house owner
- Karate champion
- Psychologist
- Author of children's books
- Biologist
- Urdu expert
- Hospital Janitor
- Research assistant
- Philosopher
- Lecturer
- Survivor
- Yoga instructor
- Small time farmer's wife
- A sane woman with a job.
What I didn't want to be:
- Mentally ill
- Engineer
- Lonely
- Teacher
- Bitchy
- Rude
- Business management student
- "Different"
- Bored
- Politician
What I finally became:
A lonely teacher who has made bitching an enjoyable preoccupation, dabbles in psychology,pretends to know more yoga than all her family members put together, reads urdu poems in Hindi or English script, is rude to engineers and business management students, enjoys being different, is a proud survivor of life,
everyday philosopher, loves ALL doctors, still dreams of learning pottery and wistfully asks on hospital visits, what it takes to be a janitor there, is learning politics at work place and has finally become an 80% sane woman with a job!
Life turned out to be decently balanced...NOW I should be content :D
Posted at 7.6.05 by BlazingMaple
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Saturday, May 28, 2005
Dedicated with much love, for Nitid
If we hold on together
~ Diana Ross
Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith, hope & glory
Hold to the truth in your heart
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I
Souls in the wind
Must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay
When we are out there in the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark we'll feel the light
Warm our hearts, everyone
If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I.......
Posted at 28.5.05 by BlazingMaple
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Please note no apologies will be offered to anyone for the contents of this post. Anybody who finds it offensive can choose to leave my blogspace.....the following post is goin to be filled with my hatred and selfishness.
I have been affected enough not to feel like posting for days...but since silence isn't helping, I am giving words a shot. The triggering factor of this post is my partner's posting in a city in the southern corner of my country where even a handsome bribe won't motivate me to go. When I thought I finally got my relationship together, I can see it collapsing faster than a pack of cards.... slipping out of my control like fistful grains of sand.....my repeated chantings of not allowing this to change my relationship is in reality a mantra I was hoping will somehow prove to be a magic wand which when swirled around will set things right for me.....
I "HATE" the corporate world!! There is no word milder or stronger that I can possibly use for what I feel. My feelings have been the same in this regard since I was 4 years old, till then I hadn't reached the age to bother about it or being affected by the consequences....and here begins my hatred timeline....leap years,World cups and Olympics aren't the only things to arrive every 4 years....
Age 4 -- Absent daddy.... posted everywhere else other than where the rest of the family was.( mum, sis and me)...asked by curious neighbours about our relationship with the man who comes visiting at odd hours and after so long....some thought my mum was having an affair with the guy, whom my neighbours saw so rarely that they assumed he couldn't possibly be my dad. didn't affect me much cause at age 4 mum's the world.
Age 8 -- HUGE family crisis....mum becomes mentally ill....dad not around....I notice he tries to be a superman and handle everything....alas the job won't allow him....it didn't take too long for me to figure out..there's only one superman and he can be seen only on the screen ...and it ain't my dad, even though he may try so hard. My world collapses and I am sent to another city to have someone to help me cope with the crisis cause dad is busy marketing medicines or pesticides or some other stuff which is of no importance to a kiddo....I find that I am left battling with more issues there than receiving any kind of help....
Age 12-- I get inducted bigtime into the company gatherings where families are allowed, socializing in a plastic world where beneath the sleek exteriors lie tales of woe, deceit and infidelity....judge for yourself how it feels to be a preteen and hear about the dark tales of the "uncles" your dad works with, when people bitch about their lifestyles and you are friends with their families...
I learn about bribing, compromising, selling your soul...
Age 16 -- Haven't had a day when I wore a suit and wasnt told that now only if I could get an MBA tag....I gave it my all to study and work in the field of mental health...only to be told I was a coward and a sack of lazybones to choose something so easy....why can't I get an MBA? thankfully I fall in love with someone who was in medschool....so so detached from the corporate world...maybe life is showing some mercy afterall.
Age 20 -- I survived dad's crusade of making me study management...I studied Human development instead!! started gunning for a Ph.D , avoided all company gatherings, got labelled as eccentric, crazy, strange, recluse. Got asked a million times why didn't I drink? didn't I see enough alcohol? I saw ENOUGH of it to drown all the people who ever asked me such ridiculous things. The love of my life by now had become a medicine man....I sought some consolation in the fact that his 32 hour shifts were for saving lives, battling diseases and not for selling pesticides! atleast the absenteeism could be justified in my mind.
Age 24 -- Things don't turn out all rosy....I find myself in a relationship with "hold your breath really lonnnng" a B-school student. ( life really knows how to slap me in the face.) good times follow and I look towards a new future albeit one pregnant with apprehensions......
and NOW my partner has gone away.....gone away to the world, I kept running from all my life.....no more time to talk and connect...by the time he returns from work and we have our "all day waited for" phone conversation, I find he is so tired that his voice is begging to fall asleep,I bottle up everything I had to say and tell him, "I think you need to rest", for the first time in his life, I hear no protests about wanting to keep the phone down. as he becomes a corporate citizen....I find myself asking so has life come a full circle? will I be left with an absent partner who may become an absent husband and an absent dad? Do I have to give up my love so that I can have the life I want? or do I give up the life I want to have my love?
Do I need to sell my dreams of cherishing life so that my man can sell some stuff which anyways the world was doing without for a long time?
There are no right answers........mannnnn I am sooooo cheesed off!
Posted at 24.5.05 by BlazingMaple
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Sunday, May 08, 2005
Introducing..........
My future paramours....right now too busy growing up!!
Posted at 8.5.05 by BlazingMaple
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Wednesday, April 13, 2005
One Lone Heart |
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One lone heart drums a solo,
Beats a rhythm in syncopation,
Pumping tears through veins of woe,
Weeping in its segregation
Ever yearning another to find
A heart to just accompany
Its lonely music, and then combine,
And together play a sweet medley
Only one heart provides a beat,
But two hearts joined, a song does make
A true song no doubt all odds defeats,
But hearts are deaf to hear the fake
A loud symphony does a heart mislead
When lyrics sung are none but lies
The heart is torn and left to bleed,
And beat by beat, it slowly dies
Beating still, yet without vigor,
Pushing emptiness through veins,
The bleeding heart assumes its armor
To protect itself from further pains
Behind the shield, rhythm fading,
Broken chambers caving in
Tattered heart in misery wading,
Wincing wildly in its chagrin
If there is no tune and no notes are chimed
Without the aid of a second tone,
Why keep the beat, why count the time?
Why carry on all alone?
A heart alone brings only pain
Two hearts as one prove doubly so
Sad hearts want just one thing to gain:
True happiness in place of woe
The perfect melody is never found
By dead hearts seeking life from another
It will only hear the desired sound
In its own pulse, and none other
Tired heart, ripped and worn,
Resumes its syncopated beat,
Finding song in another form:
Its single rhythm makes music sweet
Withered heart sews the tear,
Rebuilds each chamber one by one,
Making room for music there --
Its own wondrous solo song
Perhaps in time, a second heart
Will hear the song and lend its voice
And together then, will never part
Eternally singing their rejoice
But if none other should join in,
The single heart shall keep on beating,
Listening to its own music within,
Never again from its song retreating
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~ Angela K. Dyson
Posted at 13.4.05 by BlazingMaple
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Wednesday, April 06, 2005
.....................Killing me softly with its heat......................
Maple reports from Mumbai....
As April arrives...most mumbaikars (I would prefer the oldie version of Bombayites though) curse the same things that they would otherwise swear by as the flava of the city. .....Local trains packed like the molecules in solids, the diverse population that resembles a huge pack of crayons, the cacophony caused by this 'colourful' population, the zooming bikes... "putting Schumacher to shame" three wheeler autorickshaws.....cars of all shapes,sizes and eras which add to the menace called pollution....the absence of the 4 month monsoon which we pray for every summer and start cursing by september.....all these and much more make Mumbai summer what it is----- the most hated time of the year of the city.( besides the time when we start cursing the rains ofcourse!)
So heres my list of cheap solutions for surviving the sizzling summer:
( For those who want the la-dee-dah fancy stuff.....go waste your big bucks on Icetea at Taj for all I care or drown yourself in beer:-p)
--> Shower, shower, shower.....if you have access to enough water that is! (no laughing non-mumbaikars, loads of people here don't have enough H2O)
--> Head to the seaside--- from the lousiest beach in the world 'Juhu' to the well maintained promenades--- Bandstand, Carter road, Worli seaface(??) cool breeze is FREE and the sea is the only thing that atleast calms MY ire all through the seasons.
-->Adopt the policy 'have juice, will drink!!' every kind is available in Mumbai, at every kind of place and fits the budget of every kind of pocket :) [ Sugarcane juice n our desi lemonade 'nimboo pani" rulessss!!! ]
-->Go cotton...Go cool & White-is-Right-----the final word in summer fashion.
--> Get inspired from the armed force cadets :D :D :D --- Men and courageous/spunky WOMEN.... get a crew cut!! that failing , atleast keep the hair desirably short....its time to give up on your Rapunzel obsession temporarily.
--> Make the earliest of Rayban ads your mantra: " Iam cool because I do what my mamma told me to do since I was four---- When the Sunz out , you gotta be in." so people don those glares and look the summer in the eye---We are gonna survive!!
--------------EnjOiE------------
Posted at 6.4.05 by BlazingMaple
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Monday, March 28, 2005
Melodies in my mind, lyrics in my life....
Singing to soothe.......singing to survive.....singing to send eclectic messages to the unconscious...singing... to teach myself life's lessons under melody's guise......
Some dreams live on in time forever
Those dreams, you want with all your heart
And I’ll do whatever it takes
Follow through with the promise I made
Put it all on the line
What I hoped for at last would be mine
If I could reach, higher
Just for one moment touch the sky
From that one moment in my life
I’m gonna be stronger
Know that I’ve tried my very best
I’d put my spirit to the test
If I could reach
Some days are meant to be remembered
Those days we rise above the stars
So I’ll go the distance this time
Seeing more the higher I climb
That the more I believe
All the more that this dream will be mine
If I could reach higher
If I could, if I could
If I could reach
Reach, I’d reach, I’d reach
I’d reach’ I’d reach so much higher
Be stronger
~ Gloria Estefan.
Posted at 28.3.05 by BlazingMaple
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Thursday, March 03, 2005
You can't teach what you can't learn.
Tolerance---- a word that's becoming extinct and losing its essence as the face of humanity evolves at lightening speed. Most of us don't seem to lose any chance to pass a snide remark, to ridicule , to scream, humiliate or bring down another person at every opportunity we can seize. I am not talking about friendly ribbing, I am talking about the complete lack of tolerance for another breathing being.
Tolerance is not just about being able to stand someone, its also about being able to accept and respect. Lets get over the illusion that this is an equal world.....it certainly ain't one but is that reason enough for anyone of us to treat another as a lesser human being?? Aint good and bad relative terms? Don't we realize that there always will be better and worse than us? Do we do it because we derive sadistic pleasure out of demeaning someone? Is it because ego massaging at the cost of someone else's egobashing is a natural tendency? I don't have these answers myself......but I do have the questions.......and I also realize that most of us have been at both the ends of this "tolerance thingie" then why is it that we won't try to be any better and accept people for the way they are?
If you think you are some larger than life, heaven's offering to earthlings then prove your distinction by acknowledging the worth of the rest, welcome them into the world you share, learn from them, teach them and smile at their uniqueness....afterall if the so called " geeky scumbags" didnt exist , how would you get the chance to be "THE dude"?!?!? ....think about it!
Posted at 3.3.05 by BlazingMaple
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005
The gift of life
I don't remember when , why and how I learnt about organ donation......I don't even remember how it came to mean so much to me but its a cause that without any doubt holds much significance.....an area of concern that I choose to take seriously and hence hoping this little post of mine influences the attitudes towards organ donation atleast in some miniscule way. One of the most famous stories about this issue revolved around a young boy of 7 years named Nicholas who was killed by car bandits in Italy in 1994. Amidst all their grief, the family decided to donate their little one's organs...which enhanced the lives of the seven recipients.....for a few of these people it was a second offering of life as they got the vital organs. This incident triggered off organ donation not only in Italy but all around the world, an amazing leap in donor registration has been noted since then....this is what came to be known as "The Nicholas effect."
My experiences as a student of Human Development, gave me the opportunity to learn more about this area and strengthened my belief to become a donor....today I return to share my belief with my readers....any chance bloghopper, any curious browser, anyone who passes this way......read the following and hope it helps you realize....there is only one way to live on forever.......and it involves the gift of life.........
Life...Pass it on'
At a certain moment a doctor will determine that my brain has ceased to function and that for all intents and purpose , my life has stopped.
When that happens dont call this my 'deathbed', call it my bed of life and let my body be used by others to lead fuller lives.
Give my heart to a person whose own heart has caused nothing but endless days of pain.
Give my eyes to a man who has never seen a baby's face or love in the eyes of a woman.
Give my blood to the teenager who has been pulled from the wreckage of his car, so that he might live to see his grandchildren play.
Give my kidneys to the one who depends on a machine to exist from week to week.
Take my bones, every muscle, every fibre of my nerves from my body to find a way to make a crippled child walk.
Explore every corner of my brain, take my cells and let them grow so that some day a speechless boy will shout at the crack of a bat and a deaf girl will hear the sound of the rain against the windows.
Burn what is left of me, scatter the ashes to the winds to help flowers grow.
If you must bury something, let it be my faults, my weakness and all my prejudice against my fellow men. Give my sins to the devil and give my soul to GOD.
If you will do what I have asked ...
... I WILL LIVE FOREVER
- legacy of Robert N West
Posted at 16.2.05 by BlazingMaple
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